Wife/baby dilemma......

Maybe I'm missing something, but why does your wife need to learn to drive? If you live in town, not driving when you have a child is an inconvenience at most. If there is an emergency, hospitals can be reached by taxi or minivan pretty easily, and in the case of major emergency, paramedics can get to you as quickly, if not more so than if you drive to hospital. I would say that learning to drive is a prerequisite of moving out of town, into the country, where self-sudfficiency on the transport front becomes more of necessity.

I'd say it's not a bad idea.  I can imagine an emergency where not being able to drive could be an issue.  Plus, it's not exactly an insurmountable hurdle.   She should just do it.  And take a baby care class AND take a baby CPR class AND the list goes on and on.  Good luck, it's so worth it.  Love my 3 and 4 year old boys to death even though they are slowly killing me

I agree that they're all things she should do, in an ideal world, along with the dozens of other things that should be done... My point is that they shouldn't be pre-reqs. Point out what a good idea it is to learn to drive, and how useful it is when you have kids - I have three and my wife and I would suffer if we didn't drive.

What pre-reqs is she going to make. Sensible ones would be life insurance, phi, critical illness cover (assuming you haven't already got all of these) - after all with your travelling for work, accidents can happen, and who is going to provide for your wife and baby if you can't?

Im in a similar situation with my good lady.

She wants to start a family. Id say that your wife, learning to drive is the least of your worrie's. Although the fact that she does not drive, is a fact, i wouldnt say it has anything to do with starting a family TBH.

I mean in reality, when she's given birth, she will be goin on the bus everywhere really compared to driving. So although its a topic for disscusion, i wouldnt bring it up or even worse "threaten" her with it.

Some things that seen "right" to you, might not seem right to other's.

Im 30 and i dont drive (althougth im about to start to learn in a week or so), been working since 17, and other people's greif has not made me do it over the year's. I just think i should now.

 

Have you actually asked the wife ,does she want to drive?

We where in a very similar situation with our kids, but for us I was 36yrs and the wife was 30yrs (now 48 & 42). My wife has told me on many occasions she has no interest in driving what so ever. We also live in a small town and apart from being a pain without a car, using buses etc the wifes ok with it. If you go to live in the country like we all want to, then that would be a different matter.

If I was you I would ask her what she wants to do, if she does not want to drive you can't make her. Let her decide.

Miggs

Carting a child around on a bus can be really tricky, especially with the size of modern prams. If you have two it becomes a nightmare. However there are two other very good reasons for your partner learning to drive.

1. I know a number of elderly widows who found that being unable to drive when their husbands passed away was extremely limiting - women tend to live longer and this is a common problem. Learning to drive gets harder as you get older.

2. When pregnant (and possibly or a while afterwards) your partner will not be drinking. There is nothing more annoying than having to remain sober at a party when your passenger is not drinking.

Encouraging  her to learn to drive is one thing, but don't go making it a 'pre-condition' for starting a family. It makes you sound like someone drawing up a list of recruitment criteria for a job! (Do you have some kind of contract drawn up? What happens if she 'complies' but fails her test 1st time?)

No good asking me though. In my opinion people announcing to family/friends/colleagues etc. that they are... "considering starting a family"  is just another way of saying... "hey everyone, we are going to start having sex without contraception". I'd rather not know, especially if i'm eating at the time!

I didn't learn to drive until my mid thirties (and I live in rural area so transport was never easy). I finally passed my test 5 months before our first child was born. My inability to drive never factored into our decision to have children and nor should it for you. The decision to learn to drive was from convenience only (though I was never unhappy about my lack of driving skills in hindsight I wish I'd sorted it out years ago)

Fact is as you both get older conception gets more difficult why add more obstacles in the way?

cram:

I didn't learn to drive until my mid thirties (and I live in rural area so transport was never easy). I finally passed my test 5 months before our first child was born. My inability to drive never factored into our decision to have children and nor should it for you. The decision to learn to drive was from convenience only (though I was never unhappy about my lack of driving skills in hindsight I wish I'd sorted it out years ago)

Fact is as you both get older conception gets more difficult why add more obstacles in the way?

I don't drive (learning at the moment at 38!). I have two children aged 4 and 7 and it's never been a problem. Ok, I can see that me driving would be handy (why I'm doing it now), however it would not even enter my head to be needed before having a child. To me, it sounds like the OP may not want to have children and he is putting up barriers.

Controversial Gerrardasnails......

Thanks for all your posts so far.......

Just to add a little.

Neither her mum or sister drive, which leaves her dad to run them all around (before I came on the scene 8 yrs ago)........and I just think that adds to the pressure of everyday life. (And he does 35K miles a year with work!!)

For example...last night she missed M&S, so had to wait for me to get home at 7.30pm to take her to tesco's so we could eat!!! After a day's work thats the last think I really want to be doing....

Having a baby involved too, and later on a gifted(hopefully) child that perhaps will have a hobby that may need travelling long distances around the country, surely having two driver's in the family will be of benefit?? And as the main 'breadwinner', should I have to give up my self employed work (no work, no pay) to travel with our child??

Again, if my child wants to go to a party after school, in the future, and it's nowhere near a bus service.... having two parents driving would solve this problem.....in other words it just makes everything easy.

Knowing my wife, she isn't overly keen on it. She had lessons before we got married, and it 'scares her to death'. She stopped after so many, and about 4 different instructors, and I've not really mentioned it since. Saying that, I bought her a 'model makeover' day recently which we went on last week. She really didn't want to go and was quite upset about doing it before the event. By the end of the day she was loving it, and doing the topless part of the shoot no problems at all.... (Easy boys!!!)

I think the bottom line is that having one perrson in the family driving, to me, is very limiting, and puts added pressure on that one person when starting a family.And looking back at my childhood, my mum and I were away most weeks in the summer holidays competing at tennis competitions around the country, which is something that we would not be able to do with our child, as I'll be busy working to pay the bills......

I think the bottom line is convenience, and the fact that the driving test is getting harder and harder to pass. Personally I feel that if she doen't pass soon, she will never pass, which will be a great shame....(good point about after my death, she will struggle without transportation earlier in this thread too!!!)

Pistol Pete1:

Controversial Gerrardasnails......

Thanks for all your posts so far.......

Just to add a little.

Neither her mum or sister drive, which leaves her dad to run them all around (before I came on the scene 8 yrs ago)........and I just think that adds to the pressure of everyday life. (And he does 35K miles a year with work!!)

For example...last night she missed M&S, so had to wait for me to get home at 7.30pm to take her to tesco's so we could eat!!! After a day's work thats the last think I really want to be doing....

Having a baby involved too, and later on a gifted(hopefully) child that perhaps will have a hobby that may need travelling long distances around the country, surely having two driver's in the family will be of benefit?? And as the main 'breadwinner', should I have to give up my self employed work (no work, no pay) to travel with our child??

Again, if my child wants to go to a party after school, in the future, and it's nowhere near a bus service.... having two parents driving would solve this problem.....in other words it just makes everything easy.

Knowing my wife, she isn't overly keen on it. She had lessons before we got married, and it 'scares her to death'. She stopped after so many, and about 4 different instructors, and I've not really mentioned it since. Saying that, I bought her a 'model makeover' day recently which we went on last week. She really didn't want to go and was quite upset about doing it before the event. By the end of the day she was loving it, and doing the topless part of the shoot no problems at all.... (Easy boys!!!)

I think the bottom line is that having one perrson in the family driving, to me, is very limiting, and puts added pressure on that one person when starting a family.And looking back at my childhood, my mum and I were away most weeks in the summer holidays competing at tennis competitions around the country, which is something that we would not be able to do with our child, as I'll be busy working to pay the bills......

I think the bottom line is convenience, and the fact that the driving test is getting harder and harder to pass. Personally I feel that if she doen't pass soon, she will never pass, which will be a great shame....(good point about after my death, she will struggle without transportation earlier in this thread too!!!)

I hear what you are saying and I wasn't meaning to sound controversial. If I missed M&S and was preparing a meal, I'd run down to the local corner shop or Tesco Metro and make do. As I said, I don't drive but I take my eldest swimming lessons on Saturday mornings (walk or get a cab - again not ideal but I do it) and have always picked up and dropped off to nurseries, childminders, friends parties etc. I now realise that driving would make my life easier and I would probably save money (although that's debatable).

Good luck with whatever you do PP.

Pete, I think you are just being a tad selfish here. You seem to be making excuses and reasons for you not to drive and forcing your wife to drive. Thats what dads do. You really should think hard about this, the two of you. If your wife does not like the idea of driving then leave it there. You get by. Like I said before, my wife does not drive and its not that big a problem, it is a problem if you make it one.

Miggs.

Our girls were 11 and 18 when my wife learnt to drive.

Miggs,

Maybe I forgot to mention here about my work.....90% of my work is done between 3-9pm in the week, and all day at weekends, which is when kids may need transportation (I know as I work with talented kids).

I don't think it's selfish to want the other adult in the situation to be able to drive our child around whilst iIwork.

Isn't it a tad selfish that my wife will not learn to drive for that same reason??

Imagine our child in years to come wanting to go somewhere miles away at a weekend (event/park etc), and for us to say sorry can't do as I'm working and mum doesn't drive!!!

One thing that has surprised me by this thread, is the amount of people that don't drive.....I assumed/thought 99.9% did, but judging by this I may well be completely wrong here....

Pistol Pete1:

This one might be an interesting one........

At the age of 36 (wife is 31), we are considering starting a family.....

I have told my wife that in order to do this she needs to learn to drive first........

Am I being unfair and unreasonable??

I am self employed and  away from my phone when working, so am not contactable in emergencies, but we do live in a town area (although would love to move away from town someday....)

Anyone got any thoughts/comments on this subject (the wife suggested posting this!!!)?????

 

WHAT???? you MARRIED her and she cant drive????? 

How do you get home from the pub?