"Leave the gun, take the cannoli."

"There's something about this that's so black, it's like how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black."

"We're very lucky in the band in that we have two visionaries, David and Nigel, they're like poets, like Shelley and Byron. They're two distinct types of visionaries, it's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water."

"These go to eleven"

"Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!!"

"Ya can't stop what's coming. It ain't all waitin' on you".

When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail." 

Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it." 

 "You'd have to be some kind of a fool to think we're all alone in this universe !

“I may sound like a bible beater yelling up a revival at a river crossing camp meeting but that don’t change the truth none, there’s right and there’s wrong. You gotta do one or the other. You do the one and you’re living, you do the other and you may be walking around but you’re dead as a beaver hat.”

"Every time you turn around expect to see me. 'Cause one time you'll turn around and I'll be there, and I'll kill you, Matt." 

“Now you understand. Anything goes wrong, anything at all… your fault, my fault, nobody’s fault… it don’t matter…I’m gonna blow your head off. It’s as simple as that.”

(After being asked by his prisoners if he, Chisum, was going to shoot them)“I thought about it. Then I thought about something Henry Tunstall once said. He watched a man walk to the gallows… saw him hang. He said it was ghastly. Well, I’ve seen men hang, and that’s the word – ghastly. You two are going to hang.”

The War Wagon – After gunning down two bad guys, Always trying to be better Kirk Douglas says “Mine hit the ground first.” The Duke’s response “Mine was taller.”

"The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room."

"I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here."

Pussy Galore: "My name is EDITED Galore."

Bond: [looks away and smiles] "I must be dreaming."

And was the steak from Tescos?