I`m in the team!!!!
Hi everyone, you`ll never guess what so I shall have to tell you!
I phoned Roy Hodgson a few days ago to see if there was any chance of a place in the England Euro 2012 team and at first he said no. However, he then asked me out of interest which team I played for and I fibbed and said Liverpool. "We`ll ok, I had actually picked the squad but I suppose I can squeeze you in somewhere" was the reply. How lucky was that! I`m so excited!
Roy called me back a little later and asked me if by any chance I had Sammy Lee`s and Phil Neal`s mobile numbers (which fortunately I have)as after the Norway game he had one or two doubts about some of the players. Mmnn..interesting.
Anyway, I attended my first training session the other day which was pretty tough I must admit as I haven`t played for quite a few years. I had a chat with Roy whilst getting changed and asked him why he picked Downing who`s got zero goals and assists to his name this season. "Well, I work on the principal that his fortunes must pick up soon so why not now?" and to be fair I couldn`t come up with an answer to that. I was then rather flattered when the England manager asked my opinion on some players. One player he said he`d regretted not picking was Craig Bellamy. "But Roy, he`s Welsh" I replied. His answer was that he felt confident that as long as he wore the same kit as the rest of the team nobody would notice! Also that he was planning on sneaking Bellamy in by hiding him in one of the two kit bags (which I thought was a bit size-ist but didn`t like to say anything) Thing is that he`s only planning on us wearing the red England tops anyway so we won`t actually need to take the white one`s so Craig can jump in that bag and just keep still/quiet until we get there. The manager also asked us all to bring along some red shorts to match the tops and he said he doesn`t care what Kenny Dalgish has said this season about not getting decisions going his teams way, over the last 40 years or so he couldn`t think of another team who`d had as many decisions go for them than Liverpool. In fact, the role Roy has in mind for me is to fall over in the box around the 85-90 minute mark to get a penalty. That`s great news for me because even if I don`t start each game I know I`m going to get on at some point!
His next comment stated that he might seriously have to consider swapping one of the keeper`s with Ray Clemence! I mean I know he`s kept himself in decent condition but come on! I think he thought he was mumbling to himself but we all heard clearly. Honestly, we`ve got three very worried keepers here now all wondering who`s going to get the elbow.
I know you guys are probably getting a little concerned at all of this but don`t despair, I honestly think it could go well. We`ve come up with some tactics that could swing things in our favour. For instance, Sir Steven Gerrard (you heard it here first folks!)has been working hard on running quickly to where any fouls might occur on the pitch. Statistics show that over the last 10 years he has the highest success rate for being awarded free kicks and pens that he appeals for (91.5 per cent I think it is)so even when another of our players is fouled he will quickly run over to the incident and claim on that player`s behalf! Sir Stevie will also use a similar tactic if the ref pulls out a yellow card for an opposition player, he`ll run very quickly and get to the ref first..ask him `Do you know who I am? That should be a red card` and the ref will then put the yellow back in his pocket and pull out the red. How cool is that! He`s also promised to do one of his famous two footed `potential leg breaking lunges` (which he doesn`t seem to have done much of recently?)and then just say to the ref `Do you know who I am?` and get let off! Mind you I did upset him later that day in the bar when I put a song on the jukebox which he didn`t like. He only went and punched me! Still, I`ve offered to carry his kit bag everywhere we go and polish his boots every day until the end of the Euro`s so I think I`ve managed to smooth things out.
Jamie Carragher keeps hanging around training. He actually made me jump when I first met him as instead of approaching me from the front and shaking hands he sneaked up from behind and yanked on my shirt! Saw him doing this to several others throughout the day and when I spoke to him about it he said that he was just keeping in shape in case anyone pulls out injured and he gets a late call up! Actually, another player whispered to me that his family are on holiday without him because he couldn`t risk being on the beach with them in case he got a call from Roy. Dear of dear Jamie. Has that guy not had enough success? Oh well.
After the training session the manager told us he had a little surprise in store when we actully start each game. Basically he told us it might be a good idea if we learnt the lyrics to `You`ll Never Walk Alone` off by heart rather than `God Save The Queen` and then he winked which all seems a bit obvious to me what he has in mind. Still, I think we all know that song pretty well so I don`t think it will be a problem. Mind you it nearly flared up when Sir Stevie asked/stated that he`ll be singing his own version called `You`ll Never Walk Again`. The manager seemed about to protest but a quick look from Sir Stevie seemed to do the trick. "Of course you can Stevie..er..Sir Stevie" was his reply.
Last thing that happened was that on the way back to the dressing room I was walking behind the manager who was talking to John Terry. Not sure what John said but I think he might have been complaining about the red kit and I heard Mr Hodgson give him a right old look and say "Think yourself lucky you`re here at all young man. I literally tossed a coin to decide between selecting you or Emelyn Hughes" How small did that make John Terry look!
Think we might be expecting some more Liverpool players soon as when the manager left a little later he said something about going off to find `Big Foot and Henderson` or something like that? I obviously know who Henderson is but I`m not sure about Big Foot? I`m assuming it`s his nickname and not actual name. A promising nickname for a footballer though so shall look forward to meeting them both.
Anyway, that`s about it for now. I`m a bit knackered but very excited as you can imagine. I`ll let you know if there are anymore changes to the squad.
Bye for now and come on England!