HDMI Contol issue, Onkyo HT-R380 with Sony KDL-40EX403

Hope I have th right forum for this.
Bought my first Flat screen and surround sound, so trying to get it all working.

Got a Sony KDL-40EX403 TV and an Onkyo HT-R380 AV with speakers.
I also got the IPOD doc for the Onkyo.

So entering into the world of HDMI Control, the chap in the shop said I should be able to see the iPod menu's on my TV.
I have turned on the HDMI on the Onkyo, can control volume and turn on and off the the TV remote, but I cannot sea any menu's and the Sony can't see any HDMI Control devices (on audio).

After a little reading it seems as though the Sony system is HDMI Contol and the Onkyo is RIHD (Remote Interactive over HDMI) for System Control

Soooo
Am I thinking that the two systems are based upon the same fundamentals, but different (i.e. screws are screws, but philips and flat heads are slightly different).

Is there anyway of getting the HDMI control of the Onkyo through my TV or was I sold incompatible devices?

Would appreciate any help, as very new to all this..
Thanks