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I hope things don't come in threes

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NSYGrinner's picture
Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Posts: 1008

We've had a bit of bad luck recently in the NSY family and someone said I should write things down to clear my head. I thought here is as good as any. I'm not looking for sympathy or really anybody to read until the end. Where to start?  Here goes...

At the beginning of June my mum died suddenly. She started off with a bit of a chest infection in mid/late May. She said it was just a bit of a chesty cold and didn't want me to fetch laddo round that weekend. The following Tuesday she had some chest pains during the night. She had angina and live in a wardened flat. She never alerted the warden. Saying she "didn't want to cause a fuss". She took her medicine and tught it took a bit longer than normal for the pain to go. She rang the doctors in the following morning who said she had had a heart attack not just an angina attack. She went for some blood tests and chest x-rays over the next week or so. On 25th May she got the all clear from the doctors. Great!. On Friday 28th She rang the doctors with some suffering some more pains. She went into hospital that afternoon. her blood pressure was high, heart rate 155 and was on 80% oxygen. When I left that night she was in ICU with 55% oxygen and a heart rate of 120bpm. Great she was getting better. She deteriated rapidly over the weekend though. Basically when I left her on the Moday night she was in an induced sleep on loads of medication and her kidneys were failing. I got the call to go into hospital on the Tuesday 1st June. I'm the only child so the following decision was down to me alone. It turned out one of her heart valves was restricted so they could operate and repair it. The problem was the specialist said she would not survive the op'. If I insisted she would do it though. She was not reacting to the medicine which was at max' dosage ither. My choices were do I send her for an op which she will not get through, Tell the doctors to turn of the breathing equipment so that nature could take it's course there and then, or leave things as they were to let her continue on indefinately. I chose to turn the machines off. It took half an hour for things to work their course. She heavily sedated so didn't feel anything. I still don't know if I made the right choice? She was 73 at the time and lived for her 3 year old grandson and is going to miss out on so much.

My wife had a 'procedure' yesterday to after having her third miscarriage last week. the last few days have been a bit rubbish for both of us. More so for her obviously. It is very upsetting though to see how she is, and know that there is nothing you can do to alter the situation. This is made worse by the fact that in 2003 she was told she couldn't have children. Then fell pregnant only to have her first miscarriage. In 2005 she had another miscarriage. In 2006 she fell pregnant again and we had a little laddy. He was born 5 weeks premature and had a rough first 12 months in and out of hospital. My wife had post natal depression due to the initial stress. The birth was also the day after my dads funeral. That was one emotional rollercoaster weekend for me.

Anyway that's it. I just hope there isn't another incident along these lines waiting for me to make the trio.

If anybody has gone through or is going through the above I feel for you. As I said before this is not a cry for sympathy just hopefully a way of clearing my head.

Andrew if it's a bit heavy going and needs editing/deleting then fine.

idc's picture
Joined: 2 Jan 2008
Posts: 7783
Re: I hope things don't come in threes

Hi NSY, I read you post and keep on posting if it makes you feel better. Deepest sympathies, even though I know you said you are not looking for any.


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sonycentre's picture
Joined: 30 May 2009
Posts: 637
Re: I hope things don't come in threes

Hi NSY,i share my sympathy with you.my dad died in front of me from a heart attack,that was 19 years ago,i still think about him everyday.then this year i had my two year old cat put down(i know he was only an animal,but to me he is a very valued member of the family).But these things can only make you stronger in time.so keep writing away,it will help.


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SpiceWeasel's picture
Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Posts: 1238
Re: I hope things don't come in threes

You are a stronger person than me NSY thats for sure, I don't know how I would cope in the same situation. Best wishes to you and your familly though and I hope talking/writing helps a little.

gel's picture
Joined: 22 Nov 2008
Posts: 11581
Re: I hope things don't come in threes

Yep, same here from me best wishes to you and your family Yes



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maxflinn_banned's picture
Joined: 3 Feb 2009
Posts: 9536
Re: I hope things don't come in threes

hey nsy, thats an awful lot of emotional turmoil for a person to take, being an only child must have made it even harder, especially when you're mother was very ill, and you had to make that call, i can only imagine what that must have been like, just thinking about it scares me..

a little sad story..

a friend of mine phoned me early one monday morning, back in march 2002, he was ringing from the local hospital, where his girlfriend had just died from an ectopic pregnancy, she was a good friend of mine too, only 32 years old. she had taken ill the night before, which was mothers day, she had three children.

i went and picked him up, as we drove he just sobbed, i couldnt think of anything to say, there was nothing i could say. on the way out the road we passed a very good mutual friend of ours driving in the other direction, he seen us and phoned me, i told him what had happened, he paused and said, paula (his wife) had gone into labour, he was taking her to the hospital where she had twin baby boys, their first children having been married 12 years, he never told her , how could he? she didnt find out about carol's death till the next day.

my friend (the same one), also an only child, lost his mother two years later, she was only 60, and had spent over a year in hospital before passing away with complications brought on by diabetes. so much hardship for a person to deal with, it was very sad, but im pleased to report that he's now married to a lovely woman, who gave birth to their daughter a few years ago, and they are very happy..

 what a twist of fate that two best friends passed each other on a road at that time, ones life in tatters and the others about to burst into life, there's no explaining or understanding it. its just life..

anyways im rambling here, i guess im just trying to say that while people have very bad luck, and have to deal with very difficult things, that must seem so unfair, they always come out the other side, as im sure you and you're young family will, best wishesYes





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scene's picture
Joined: 25 Sep 2008
Posts: 2952
Re: I hope things don't come in threes

Sometimes life just seems cr*p. I remember feeling like you back in 94, when my Nan died and then my dad did, less than two weeks later. He'd been I'll for a while, but my Nan was out of the blue. I thought, hope things don't come in threes. And they don't, just sometimes things cluster together. Keep posting, you're stronger than you think and good things can come along together as well. Enough burbling.


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