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how do i keep my seventeen year old son on the straight and narrow?

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keeperofthekeys's picture
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any advice please..my son is attending college, went well the first term,then backsliding...late for lessons..gobby to tutors etc...now has a girlfriend, seems to have made his attitude worse....jumped the traim a month ago, got caught i recieved a letter pay a 35 quid fine or he goes to youth court..my view i had to pay it otherwise he would of got fined more in court..muggins would have to pay that...a week later he got caught shoplifting..this time a fixed penalty of 80 quid! grrrr....so i grounded him...next day comes back 9pm..usual time 5pm from college...he just had to attend a fireworks party...lol..last nite stayed at his mates house even though i told him he was still grounded.....i have taken away his laptop, tv...not sure what to do now? any help would be appreciated...

chebby's picture
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RE:

If he's at college then he is old enough to fend for himself.

I lived independently from my parents from age 16 onwards, throughout my A'Levels (with holiday and weekend and evening jobs to support myself).

Earning a living to support himself and pay for a place to live, buy his food etc. will focus his mind. He simply won't have time for all the other BS.

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Trefor Patten's picture
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RE: how do i keep my 17 year old son on the straight and narrow?

You don't keep him on the straight and narrow. He keeps himself on the straight and narrow - or not. He is 17. Meanwhile you are asking a hi-fi forum for help!!!!!!!! Angry

MajorFubar's picture
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RE:

I did type a really in-depth reply about trying to build and nurture a strong mutually-respectful relationship with him, but when I clicked 'Post' the site kicked me out and lost everything I typed. But that was the jist of it. This forum, from a technical viewpoint, is quite possibly the most useless heap of steaming **** I have ever had the displeasure of using.

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laserman16's picture
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RE:

Don't pay his fines,they are his responsibility, IMO you are just making it to easy for him.

He's the one that got fined not you.

laserman16's picture
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RE: how do i keep my 17 year old son on the straight and narrow?

Trefor Patten wrote:

 Meanwhile you are asking a hi-fi forum for help!!!!!!!! Angry

I think thats why we have an "off topic" section.

keeperofthekeys's picture
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RE:

MajorFubar wrote:

I did type a really in-depth reply about trying to build and nurture a strong mutually-respectful relationship with him, but when I clicked 'Post' the site kicked me out and lost everything I typed. But that was the jist of it. This forum, from a technical viewpoint, is quite possibly the most useless heap of steaming **** I have ever had the displeasure of using.

sounds like perhaps the way to go...soon there will be nothing left for me to take away from him...i want him to remain at college then hopefully university...but if i dont come up with a good strategy to change his behaviour...he will end up in court for one thing or another...i read somewhere that william the conqueror was pulling his hair out over his children, when he was old! lol..plus ca change.... and all that..

Big Chris's picture
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RE: Wayward teen.

It's a phase. I was a git in my late teens, got into a bit of minor trouble myself, but came out the other side intact and I'm sure your son will too.

It's not gonna help in the short term I know, but if he's challenging your authority and getting away with it I can't see there's much else you can do. Only other thing would be to throw him to the wolves next time he's in bother and hopefully the lack of safety net might shock some sense into him.puzzled

 

Of course, I could always pop round and have a word.

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RE: Wayward teen.

Big Chris wrote:

Of course, I could always pop round and have a word.

rolling on the floor laughing

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RE: Wayward teen.

I haven't got a 17 year old but a friend does. She said to him "if you do that, when you get back your bedroom will be empty apart from a mattress ". He did. It was. He didn't do it again.

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eggontoast's picture
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RE: on the straight and narrow?

It doesn't matter what you say or do he will take no notice what so ever.

Unfortunately he will have to find his own way through life, you paying fines etc is not helping him and at 17, your words of wisdom are only going to fall on deaf ears. You will just have to hope he has enough sense to not do anything too stupid. As previously said by others, he needs to start fending for his self by paying board, fines, beer money, driving lessons etc (might be an idea to buy his rubbers for him though, especially with a new girlfriend Wink ) this will focus him more hopefully. 

keeperofthekeys's picture
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RE: on the straight and narrow?

eggontoast wrote:

It doesn't matter what you say or do he will take no notice what so ever.

Unfortunately he will have to find his own way through life, you paying fines etc is not helping him and at 17, your words of wisdom are only going to fall on deaf ears. You will just have to hope he has enough sense to not do anything too stupid. As previously said by others, he needs to start fending for his self by paying board, fines, beer money, driving lessons etc (might be an idea to buy his rubbers for him though, especially with a new girlfriend Wink ) this will focus him more hopefully. 

i think your right, it seems if he gets into bother again, he is up before the magistrate. had another talk with him this morning...i told him if he gets thrown out of college, all he has is a bed, access to bathroom, food will be left out for him....

toyota man's picture
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RE: on the straight and narrow?

keeperofthekeys wrote:

eggontoast wrote:

It doesn't matter what you say or do he will take no notice what so ever.

Unfortunately he will have to find his own way through life, you paying fines etc is not helping him and at 17, your words of wisdom are only going to fall on deaf ears. You will just have to hope he has enough sense to not do anything too stupid. As previously said by others, he needs to start fending for his self by paying board, fines, beer money, driving lessons etc (might be an idea to buy his rubbers for him though, especially with a new girlfriend Wink ) this will focus him more hopefully. 

i think your right, it seems if he gets into bother again, he is up before the magistrate. had another talk with him this morning...i told him if he gets thrown out of college, all he has is a bed, access to bathroom, food will be left out for him....

Hi is it possible for an Uncle or aunt to have a talk with him as some times father and son can be a bit to much as sometimes the hurt can stop common sense making sense

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eggontoast's picture
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RE: son on the straight and narrow?

That will depend on what kind of relationship they have with them, there might be a third party who he has some respect for and may take notice of what they say.